Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
