i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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