I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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