theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
