You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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