Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Houston, we have a blender
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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