So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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