that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
