Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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