i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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