If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
