I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
