Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize