bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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