Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
