He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
