Porn is love you can see.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
