I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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