Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
