he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize