Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
