I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
