I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
