So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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