I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
