chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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