we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
