I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
