Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize