i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
