Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
