I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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