I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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