I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize