i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
