I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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