It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
