My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
