Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
