My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
