I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
