he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
