Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
