So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
