i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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