she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
