She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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