For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
