guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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