Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize