it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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