Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
