Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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