My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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