why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
