on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
