well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
