New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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