you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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