Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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