and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
