I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
