just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
