Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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