you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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