My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
