Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
