I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
