Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
